The Geek Refuge

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Weekly Idol Recap

I am, as you may have guessed, a huge American Idol fan. Don't hate me. So, I thought it would be cool to have a weekly recap on the Idol results. Hence, the Weekly Idol Recap has been born. (Clever name, right?)

This week, the theme was "America's Songbook", which is nothing more than a nostalgic term that means "Old songs that were popular a long time ago". The past few weeks of Idol have been incredibly disappointing and boring; this week was a complete turnaround! All but one of the contestants did very well.

Rod Stewart was this week's guest, and I suddenly remembered why I don't give a crap about Rod Stewart. On Wednesday, he sang "The Way You Look Tonight", and I thought I was going to fall asleep. It was so boring. Why is this guy famous? The crowd went wild for him, but I suspect that the applause was due only to the fact that he is Rod Stewart, not because he sounded good. He didn't, and his little dancing bit made me want to eat my own face. Anyway, on to the contestants.

Chris sang "What A Wonderful World". It was nice to hear him sing softly; heck, it was nice to hear him sing at all. This marked a departure from his usual yelling/growling/angsting (is that a word?), as he was reserved and quiet. It was really, really good.

Paris sang "Foolish Things"; while I didn't know the song, it was a jazzy tune that fit her perfectly. It reminded me a lot of her original tryout. She sang it extremely well, and I enjoyed it. I did find it a tad distracting that she was dressed like Hillary Clinton, though. :/

My fellow Alabamian Taylor Hicks sang "You Send Me". I'll let Simon Cowell tell you how it went: "It started, and I thought 'Ok, lame cabaret'. And then, (snaps fingers) magic." I agree fully. It started slow, but towards the end, it got AWESOME. Good stuff.

Elliott Yamin sang a soft version of "It Had To be You". While he sounded good, as he always does, I found the performance to be a tad boring. He didn't add any touch of his own to it. Still good though.

Kellie Pickler sang "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered", and man did it suck. She was off-key, it was boring, and she even forgot a few words. She even said herself "I butchered it!". Yes you did, Kellie. Yes you did.

Next up was Ace Young, who sang "That's All". Simon called it charming, I call it "meh". It wasn't bad or anything, just not captivating. It's one of those performances where you wonder what else is on TV. He had his nappy locks greased back into a ponytail, and I cleverly dubbed him "Guido Young". No one laughed but me. Oh well.

Last came Katharine McPhee. I don't know the song she sang, but it was a low-key jazzy number that fit her vocal style well. She was very classy and poised, and I really liked it. She has a great voice.

Wednesday night was results night, and as usual, Ryan split the contestants into two groups. One group consisted of Kellie, Elliott, and Katherine; the other was Chris, Paris, and Ace. Taylor was left sitting alone, and Ryan asked him to pick which group he was thought was the bottom 3, and to go stand beside them. After an expected commercian break, Taylor did a psyche-out by walking to Chris' group, and then going to stand by Katherine's group. His judgement was sound in the end, because Katherine, Elliott, and Kellie were all safe. (How in the Seven Hells was Kellie safe? Methinks there are some no-ear-having, crazy-phone-dialing rednecks in her hometown.....) That left Chris, Ace, and Paris on the stage as the bottom 3. Almost immediately, Ryan let Paris know that she was safe.

And then there were two.

Ace and Chris stood alone, and I was hoping to God that Ace would get the boot. I hate him. Not since Clay Aiken has such a weiner stood on the Idol stage. Long hair, quivering hands, teary eyes, and poo-nanny song choices make this guy the object of my loathing. Anyhoo, Ryan waits the appropriate tension-mounting 4-5 seconds, and then drops the most beautiful bomb ever dropped. "Ace".......and then my exultations filled the apartment. Arms towards the sky, I thanked the good Lord for his grace and love, as Ace's head hung low. It was glorious! I only wish that Ace could have been here in my home; I would have shaved his head as a symbol of shame and humiliation. Then, I would have taken his shorn locks and woven them into my jock strap, as I taunted him saying "Ace, my balls are in your hair! Nuts on your scalp, Ace! Sack on your skull!"

I can dream, can't I?

Next week's theme will be "Greatest Love Songs of All Time", with the special guest being Andrew Bocelli. Should be halfway decent. We'll see!


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